I thought I would write this post as its something I battle with daily; I’ll be hitting 40 this Autumn and am still no where near where I would like to be fitness wise, health wise and weight wise. Working in the fitness industry and not being a size 8 to 12, I feel uncomfortable and although other instructors tell me I look great and not to worry, they’re rocking tiny frames, ripped muscles or very slender.
I was once very slim, toned and even ripped at one point, but five hours of training a day, barely eating and taking slimming pills will do that for you plus I was in my late teens and early twenties. In honesty its wreaked havoc with my body, which to this day is still reeling from the severity of my training and lack of love for my body at that time. If you would have told me that’s how I would feel nearly twenty years on about my body in those years I would have said I loved my body, it looked amazing. I was lacking the inside job though.
Starting out in the fitness industry at nineteen, I was naïve and thought training myself to exhaustion and looking good was the key to happiness, I felt I fitted in though because superficially I looked the part. Now nearing 40 and coming back into the industry over the past year I’ve really felt out of place I’m a curvy size 14 with unfortunately hereditary chin drop. I feel out of place and wonder will people want to train with me if I don’t look super slim and conditioned.
I’ve heard trainers say you must look the part, but as a woman with a young child, two businesses to run, a chronic migraine sufferer and I’ll admit chocolate addict. I struggle to make the time for me to train, yes I could get up at 5 am and train, we’re awake by 6am with small child and I’m in bed for 9pm most nights, if I don’t get enough sleep I struggle with my migraines and so I have this endless battle of not having enough time for me to do me.
Food I used to starve myself from I now crave as it makes me feel good and I’m in an endless cycle, and as I mentioned I walk into the studio or the gym and I feel not enough physically. I’ve spent thousands on my education over the years, much time researching and developing my knowledge and I would say it’s pretty good, but am I not as successful in the industry as I could be because I don’t fit the mold?
I wanted to write this blog to I guess to get people thinking about the trainer they chose, did you choose them because they are how you want to look, for their knowledge and background or how they make you feel about yourself?
How often do you pick up the health magazine with the super fit and toned woman on the front? If that woman was the average UK size 16, fit and healthy, but curvy would you walk away from it or towards it and let’s be honest how often do you see this on a magazine cover?
As women we have hormones, pregnancy, perimenopause, menopause and not to mention trying to be all to everyone as the media pushes the images, we can have it all, in my opinion that’s damn right impossible, it’s challenging to say the least.
I’m constantly working on myself to love my body as it is and embrace my curves, I teach around 8 sessions a week, walk the dog and try to be healthy in my food choices. Although in lockdown baking has become a very frequent activity, which isn’t helping my waistline further.
I hope to feel more comfortable in the fitness industry and make my own mark, I’m real, my body is real, my struggle is real, I’m human.
Thanks for making it this far.